Giving Tuesday

My blog production team (just kidding, I have no idea who these people are)

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How fitting that today has been christened “Giving Tuesday!” For today I give you the last of my November blog posts! Let me tell you, I am super happy to give this one away; it’s been nagging at me this entire month. “Write something great!” it whines. “Don’t cheat your readers out of a grand finale!” To which I respond: “Quiet! You’re a blog post, for Heaven’s sake! If I want to make you a laundry list, or a traffic ticket, or a recipe for ambrosia, you can’t stop me!” But I realize I do owe you (and myself) a little somethin’ somethin’ as we ride collectively off into December, so here goes:

I hereby give you these pearls of wisdom: 

Two pounds of fish will never stretch for two nights. Period. Oh, you can try to give each of your five ravenous housemates a teensy sliver of steelhead trout, and even suggest they load up on the cauliflower. But inevitably someone (I name no names, but perhaps he is my eldest son) asks for just a teensy sliver more. There goes THAT grocery budget!

There will be long periods of rejection when you send out your writing (or audition for roles, or job hunt), and you will struggle mightily with your self-esteem. Never fear! You will get a writing or acting or business gig! In fact, you’ll get MANY on the same day. So many that you cannot juggle them all. To the point where you’ll say to God, along with the beloved Tevye in Fiddler, “We are Your chosen people. But, once in a while, can't You choose someone else?”

You will drive your car (Elantra, though I name no names) for nearly a year without incident, until the very day of inspection, when your wheels fall off and your radiator overheats just as you are pulling into the service station. And you haven’t made room in the budget for the repairs. This is where you are glad you got all the crazy gigs referenced above. Though they’ll still not be enough to pay the bill.

You will finally bite the bullet and purchase a generator, recalling frigid winters past. Count on your 6ABC meteorologist to chortle, “Warmest winter on record! Another January scorcher on tap for today!” The same thing will happen should you decide on central air next summer, “Snow in August? Believe it, folks!”

In the spirit of the day, I also give you:

My COVID-19 pounds (enjoy!)

My collection of mostly-consumed refrigerator mustards

My mother’s ancient sofa, which has been in my living room for 20 years, in a state of great disrepair. Watch out for the springs!

Our jumbled box of batteries, some usable and most not, but all of which you will have to test each and every time you pull one out.

My vast cookie cutter collection, from mammoth starfish to very small Ace of Spades. Because I don’t do cut out cookies.

It feels so good to be a giver! 

So. many. batteries.