Thursday, November 30, 2017

Wish List

Christmas!! Yippee!!

Dear Santa,

I have been, on the whole, a relatively good girl this year (relatively as in, I’ve been better than most of the outrageously misbehaving people in public life these days). I know you have your sleigh full of treats for little tots so I won’t overburden you. Aside from a few tangible items, most of my “hearts desire” things take up no space at all. Here we go!

I would like a dentist who will congratulate me for brushing and not demonize me for not flossing.

I would like a doctor who doesn’t point out the date of my last checkup (always at least five years ago) and make a big deal of it.

Please bring me a self-driving car (or, failing that, a chauffeur-either would be fine). I just received “night vision” glasses I had ordered online in hopes I can drive at night again. Haven’t tested them out on the road yet, but they make me look like The Fly, so there’s that.

I would love a Fitbit variation that credits me for breaths, not steps, taken each day. Imagine the thrill of those high numbers! And if it’s getting late and you’re short of your goal, you can always just pant!

While we’re at it, how about clothes that wash themselves? Kind of like taking things to the dry cleaners, but in this case I’d just dump everything into a laundry basket in the hall and find it magically spotless the next morning. And there’d be no one to pay! Mind you, we wouldn’t get those flimsy complimentary hangers, but I’m good.

Along those lines, a self-cleaning kitchen would be swell. Right now my kitchen is cleaned by whoever isn’t cooking (which means I am usually off the hook, but I feel for the dear ones who wash the insane number of pans and spatulas I require for the simplest meal). I would love a dishwasher that wheels itself out to the table, scoops all the plates up and scurries away with them. And a floor that scrubs itself on command also! Don’t stop me now, I’m on a Jetsons roll!

I’d adore a lifetime supply of hugs from my grandsons, against the future day when hugging me will be much too embarrassing.

May I please have sunny summer afternoons on the beach on constant repeat? Preferably with my gang, but also quite content with a book, and feet in the sand.

Santa, blog post ideas ALWAYS welcome! I’m sure you have your stories to share!

While you’re at it, throw in some general peace, love and harmony for this crazy mixed up world. If enough of us have it, maybe together we can fix things.

Guess that’s all. Oh, I’m almost out of lipstick, so please toss one into your bag o’ gifts. That really is it. Thank you. Wait. Just remembered a few other small items…I’ll text you.

As Aiden’s favorite veddy British cartoon character Peppa Pig would say:  Happy Christmas! Cheerio!


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