Getaway Car

Poor Mr. Magnavox!

Remember when you were a kid, and you’d spend hours inventing stories about the secret lives of inanimate objects? 

You didn’t?

 

Well, Iittle me often lived in a dream world. Not the Barbie kind of make-believe, although I did my share of dolling Babs up for madcap Mattel-esque outings. And weren’t those high heels impossible to fit on her ridiculous arched feet? 

 

But I digress.

 

Actually, my typical imaginary scenarios were—atypical. I was an anxious child, and worried about our refrigerator getting lonely when we were all at Mass (“Hey! Anybody home? The milk is about to spoil! Don’t forget about the hamburger meat on my lower shelf, over by the Gulden’s mustard. That should make a tasty meal, no doubt! Helloooo?”)   

 

Ditto the TV set. When I was in school, it was forced to show endless hours of Mom’s soap operas, when Mr. Magnavox was surely yearning to entertain my sisters and me with the far superior Soupy Sales and Captain Kangaroo. If I could have fit the iron and washing machine in my backpack, I would definitely have schlepped them around. No wonder The Brave Little Toaster struck such a “cord” (appliance humor 😊).

 

By the time I was old enough to drive, I had outgrown those whimsical notions. When my friends were busy naming their first autos (Mary’s Ford Mustang was dubbed, naturally, Sally), I had zero interest in my bright orange Gremlin’s inner life. Oh sure, Mo, C, and I christened it The Great Pumpkin, but that was as far as it went.

 

Well, last Tuesday night, we had a Car in Peril situation. Our Hyundai Elantra was stolen from our driveway. Sheridan noticed it was missing, and soon the police arrived at the house. I’d read about a car theft ring operating in the area, who’d been hot-wiring cars and then selling them on Facebook Marketplace. The kicker: Hyundais are top targets! Undoubtedly because of their classy, BMW-like reputations, NOT because they are relatively cheap, and lacking sophisticated anti-theft devices. Mystery solved, yes?

 

I won’t keep you in suspense. The car and drivers were found a short while later. And it was not a slick bunch of bandits after all; it was a group of stupid teens (one of them was only 13!) out for a joyride. They still managed to drive over 20 miles, though, and really messed up the steering column. 

 

But I have been thinking about the incident from our auto’s POV. Such a boring life, those endless treks back and forth to Shop N Bag, to the post office, to CVS. Then, suddenly—excitement! Thrills and chills! On the lam with daring strangers! Wheee!

 

Traumatic as this was for us, I guess I’m glad our Elantra finally had a Big Adventure without the Seyfrieds. She deserved one wild story to tell her buddies around the old gas pump. But enough! After an unforgettable Grand Theft Hyundai, it’s back to normal for you, little vehicle!

 

Don’t YOU get any ideas, stroller!

steering wheel of misfortune!