To the Maxx

  

                                          Best Flash Mob Ever?

 

These trends are coming and going waaaay too fast nowadays. I mean, I’m still saying “6-7,” which was a cool set of numbers (for the middle school crowd) until quite recently. But now that’s passé, hopelessly “two hours ago.” Selfie sticks? Fidget spinners? Flash mobs? Segways? Taking selfies as you spin your fidget and choreograph a flash mob on your Segway? All capital D Done!! Slow down, insta-world, I want to get off!

 

But here’s one I’m grabbing as it races by: Maxxing. Short for “maximizing”, maxxing is added to certain goals that one should attempt with all one’s might. Goals, squared! There’s Looksmaxxing, where you do whatever is humanly, or cosmetic-surgically, possible to make yourself look out-of-this-world gorgeous. There’s Sportsmaxxing, where you master any number of athletic pursuits, à la Michael Jordan (not Michael B. Jordan! The basketball guy, who for a time played major league baseball as well). 

 

But here’s the maxx that caught my attention: the Nonnamaxx. Yes, it’s a thing! As of April 28, 2026!  Seems the elder female residents of some Blue Zones (including parts of Italy) possess the Key to Eternal Youth (it may be in their apron pocket). As described, the Nonnamaxxer is quite the special gal. She walks constantly, because she lost her Senior Bus Pass. She dresses up for everyday activities, donning a jaunty scarf and heels to ask her neighbor to take out her trash. She makes herself useful, making her own fettuccine, and volunteering with the Italian equivalent of Habitat for Humanity (Casa de Umanità. I think!) She maintains a busy social life, gossipping with her fellow Nonnamaxxers, and eats super healthy. She is a paragon of elderhood, and I’ve never met anyone remotely like her. Especially anyone in their 80s. So I call BS on this particular maxx.

 

Here is MY take on what I’ve labeled “Nanamaxxing.”

 

Nanamaxxer walks…to the bathroom, multiple times every night, because she is super familiar with “bladdermaxx”. She dolls herself up… in zippy tunics and leggings, so she’s all ready should "Dancing With the Stars" come a callin’.  She volunteers…to give up her spot on the local Mah Jongg Pickleball Team. Let her sister seniors have some fun! 

 

She may not be a Jane Fonda clone (face it, is anyone?), but she looks quite a bit like an older Elise Seyfried.

 

Nanamaxxers eat healthy, but they also eat unhealthy. Their average food day might begin with a petite portion of Light and Fit yogurt and berries, and end with a big bowl of Neither Light NOR Fit homemade tiramisu. Ask me how I know.  

 

Nanamaxx practitioners are women of a certain age who keep on living, no matter their limitations.

 

Most importantly, Nanamaxxers are ever-grateful for the precious little ones who made them Nanas in the first place.

 

If you aren’t a Nana, or even Nana-adjacent, never fear. In a week (maxx!) there’ll be a brand new craze, one at which you SURELY can excel.

 

Doomscrollmaxxing Queen? 

Sorry. I am the GOAT already. 

Happy Nanamaxxers!
(photo by Age Symru on Unsplash)