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Meditation and I have always had a difficult relationship. For one thing, I hate to be alone with (or without) my thoughts. I hear that’s kind of a non-starter with meditation. But I am determined! Finding a mantra (a calming and focusing thought/word/phrase) seems to be key. I’m a writer! Words are my jawn! This should be both easy and peasy! Herewith, a selection of popular mantras and my takes…
Om: Mantra numero uno, “om” is said to be the first sound of the universe. Really? When I think of the noise that shattered the eternal silence, I think more along the lines of “Helloo? Anybody out there?” or maybe “Winner, winner, tofu dinner!” NOT “om”! “Om” is what you mumble when the teacher asks you to recite the preamble to the Constitution.
I am healthy: Who are we kidding? Compared to whom? “I am healthy compared to an asthmatic wombat! I am relatively healthy compared to my grandmother, who if she were alive today would be 130 years old!” Perhaps better: "I hope to be healthier someday, Lord willing and the creek don’t rise.”
Fear does not control me: OK, so getting into some trouble here. Am I supposed to chant an obvious lie, in hopes it might someday be true? I might as well say, “I am prettier and more talented than Taylor Swift.” Because, believe me, fear is ALWAYS in the driver’s seat.
Perfection is a myth: Again, having some issues. If perfection is a myth, what about Santa? Please don’t tell me Jolly Old St. Nick is a fraud? I spent my NYC childhood justifying the lack of chimneys in my Manhattan apartment building (Santa rode up in the service elevator late at night!) If I have to live in a world without an actual M. Claus, at least reassure me: there IS an Easter Bunny, right?
I surrender to the flow of the universe: Now we’re getting a little lengthy. I thought mantras were supposed to be bite-sized and easily repeatable? This one I could see getting all tangled up: “I surrender to the flow of the universe. I surrender to a universe that flows. It’s a flowing universal--flow. I flow with the universal surrender. I surrender. I surrender.” Now I sound like a cornered criminal. “Ya got me, coppers.”
So, since the popular mantras don’t do the job, here are a few suggestions. Feel free to use (with appropriate attribution-©2025 by Elise Seyfried)
Yum: perfect for contemplating a jelly donut, or plate of pasta carbonara
I am stealthy: I like to lurk around, especially when there’s a jelly donut involved
Bears do not control me: What I say under my breath in the woods, or even around my trash cans.
Complexion is a myth: When I look in the mirror and see another pimple. At age 68.
I surrender to the woe of the universe: Darn it. It’s rough out there. I surrender. I surrender, coppers.
Bring on yoga class!! Mantras ready!!
Namaste.
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