Cleanup on Aisle Five

image by Erio Noen on Pexels

There’s nothing quite like shepherding a small child through a crowded store. It’s a combination of Demolition Derby, and Chevy Chase doing his classic, stumbling Gerald Ford routine (and if you have to ask, you’re too darned young!) Crash! Boom! Splat! Any item within reach (especially the enticing stacked pyramids of canned and bottled goods) is fair game to be swiped at or grabbed for. While my personal children weren’t major offenders, I’ve certainly seen my share of kinder-meltdowns in the aisles, along with the tut-tuts and nasty looks bestowed upon the helpless and mortified parents by people who clearly have never made a mistake in their lives. 

While it would be only fair to put a big push broom into little Susie’s hands and set her to work on cleanup, that’s not a practical option. So it’s left to the store employees to sweep up the broken glass, and straighten the toppled cans of beets. Soon the supermarket is all tidied up—until little Billy arrives ten minutes later, of course. Splat! Boom! Crash!

 

Life (my life, anyway) has felt like one big self-created mess after another, from saying the wrong things, to doing the wrong things—and, conversely, neglecting to say or do the right things. Ugh. How I long for a “spin doctor” to explain away my gaffes! I need a savvy PR type to re-direct the public’s focus away from my disasters, ideally to blame my missteps on somebody else! Nowadays, a lot of celebrity behavior (politicians and sports folks’ too) is really rude and/or profane. “Exaggerations” are rampant, as prominent people stretch the truth like Silly Putty. Granted, we all are guilty of pedestal-izing the rich and powerful, so maybe we asked for it. But after loudly cheering for this or that famous figure, we often deal with their revealed imperfections with denial, to save face (our own). 

 

“Sanewashing” is the new buzzword for those who attempt to paper over certain outrageous comments and actions. In the hands of these clever wordsmiths, even the most preposterous sayings and doings are “totally normal.” It’s either “He didn’t say that” or “He didn’t mean that” or even, “He said it, and he meant it, but it’s perfectly fine!” We Americans have been real pros at sanewashing a good bit of our crazy history (Columbus discovered America! The Native peoples were thrilled to be herded onto reservations! At least the slaves had food and shelter!). It’s a tough sell persuading many of us to let go of our harmful national myths.  

 

So, before we all wake up to reality, permit me a dab of sanewash. I did NOT send a very personal email to my entire contact list! I did NOT badmouth someone to someone else who happened to be their closest relative! I did NOT ask non-pregnant women about their due dates, nor did I ask a thirty something if she was going to prom this year. 

 

And if I did, it’s perfectly fine.

image by Carola68 on Pixabay