Olympics 2024?

With the appropriate fanfare, and Harry Potter, and Queens dropping out of the sky (clever, that), the London Olympics are underway. For the next two weeks, we will watch, enthralled and only 6 hours behind, as badminton is played and canoes are slalomed, as Phelps cuts through the water and Sharapova serves up victory. 

As a summer resident of a shore town, I truly believe we could add another layer of excitement to the competition in the future, and hereby nominate Rehoboth Beach, DE  as the site for the 2024 Summer Olympics. What would be our contributions to this fabled athletic contest? Try these on for size!

Highway One Hijinks

July Saturday. EVERYONE ON EARTH is headed south @ 2 PM (cottage check in time). Look for Italy and France to dominate this “Race to Leisure”, as they barrel down the shoulder, ignore posted speed limits and merge at will. One team will arrive, bloodied but intact, at the realtor’s office for the key. Are we recreating yet?

Superfresh Supermarket Sweepstakes

Sure, the food is wildly overpriced. Where else does a can of Old Bay Seasoning, a pound of lunch meat and some milk cost over $50? Ouch! But we need to EAT, dammit! And we want to get to the beach before dark! So on your mark, get set, go! China may be the favorite here, combining awesome mastery of crowd logistics with flat-out hunger.  

Beach Blanket Bingo

It’s 9:30 AM. Who else is on the sand right now? Oh, rigghhht…Cell Phone Mama!  It’s up for grabs as the nations vie to be more annoying than the woman behind me, who has set up shop mere inches from my blanket and is now excoriating her sister about never hosting Thanksgiving. I try to read my book and find myself thinking instead: “How hard is it to roast a turkey?” 

“Follow Me To…”

There are contraptions with these signs all over town, powered just by people pedaling. I think folks assume it’ll be easy. In reality, these out-of-shape and underprepared drivers can barely make the pedals move, meanwhile halting traffic everywhere they venture. Who can go slowest? Team USA! Proudly sponsored by McDonald’s and Coke! Need I say more?

Boardwalk Empire

I run in the morning (or try to). Early as I start, I am still challenged by my fellow boardwalk denizens: The Bicycle Family (“Now Jason, don’t hit that nice lady! Oops, Sorry!”), The Chubby Women Who Gossip (and spread out as a phalanx, impossible to pass), The Inexplicable AM Ice Cream Eater (“What? What? I’m on vacation!”) The Americans, I believe, have this one sewn up too.

Outlet Mania

Who doesn’t love a sale? Like Rehoboth vacationers, the athletes will paw their fevered way through heaps of Levi’s and Banana Republic and Gap seconds. Team UK might get the gold here (Julie and Rose have horror tales to tell about London shopping at Primark.)

That’s my proposal. Looking forward to hearing from the IOC. 2024 here we come!