A Little Perspective

  

Long may we wave! Photo by Luke Michael on Unsplash

I LOVE writing about math! Almost as much as I love writing white papers on "Forensic Accounting in Virtual Economies," apology letters from Dentina, the Tooth Fairy, who was always late visiting our house, and the same to-do list that I’ve been tweaking since, well, 1976. 

 

JK. Math is NOT my favorite subject.

 

But I do enjoy expanding a relatively small number by breaking it down into teensy bites. Par example, I am currently on a bit of a weight-loss excursion, and my recent diminishment by 15 lbs. doesn’t pack quite the emotional punch I’m seeking. So, instead, I consider the fact that I’m down a whopping 240 ounces (W-O-W), and I am then happily motivated to continue drinking enough water each day to float the QE2. 

 

Right now, we’re all about the 250^th anniversary of Our Country Tis Of Thee, and we’ll continue to wildly celebrate this milestone until at least 12:01 AM on July 5th, after which we will collectively return to marking our cherished Taco Tuesdays instead. 

 

Sadly, unlike the Centennial and the Bicentennial, this year is the Semiquincentennial (or Sestercentennial, meaning quarter-millennium). Neither of these words rolls trippingly off the tongue. The first sounds like a new GLP-1 drug (which, for the record, I refuse to use myself, because I believe in suffering). The second sounds like a festive gathering in Utah of 100 “sester” wives. For starters, then, we need another appropriate Latin term for this Big Party Year. My Latin expertise begins and ends with Catholic prayers, so unless we agree to call 2026 the “Pater Noster,” my contribution will be useless.

 

While we’re pondering, let’s revisit my Theory of Making Big Numbers Out of Little Ones!

 

Sure, 250 years seems like a long time ago. I barely remember those carefree childhood days of rolling my hoop down the dusty cobblestone streets of Colonial Williamsburg, wearing my cute little powdered wig. But what if we consider that it’s also…

 

3000 months? “3000” refers to the MLB “3000 Hits” Club, whose illustrious batters include Henry Aaron, Willie Mays, Ty Cobb and Pete Rose (*). USA, you’re in good, if sweaty, company!

 

And it’s 13,000 weeks as well! AI informs me that 13,000 weeks is the average human lifespan. My goodness! That would mean the average Joe or Jane makes it halfway to 500 years old? You goofed, AI! Though I DO believe another artificially intelligent assertion, that the beloved soap opera The Young and the Restless hit 13,000 episodes on November 13, 2024. Because of course it did.

 

91,000 days too!! 91,000 tons is the weight of the Washington Monument (it might consider trying some Semiquincentennial?) In any event, it’s a scale-busting number!

 

I could go on, but my 500-word limit looms. Suffice it to write, it’s been quite a while since our Bouncing Baby Republic’s birth. 

 

As my childhood bestie Benjy Franklin would say, ours is “the best form of government, if we can keep it.”

 

I vote to keep it. Happy Birthday, dear America.

Ty Cobb: known as "abrasive, combative and difficult." Note Stephen Miller resemblance.