The Incredible Lightness of Being Sorry

I have always been drawn to the concept of repentance. I was a childhood regular in the confessional, where, if I couldn’t remember all my sins I’d make one up—which was then a lie, and another sin to disclose! I always felt so good after confession, so right with God, however short-lived the feeling might be. And the season of Lent appealed to me greatly, because it was a whole 40 days of repenting, literally “turning back” to God. Fasting was a big part of the experience, fish dinners and skipped meals. Nowadays relatively few people observe any type of fast (unless it’s for weight loss). But the original idea was to join in Jesus’ fasting for 40 days prior to his ministry.

 Times of penitence are part of most faith traditions. For example, today is the Hindu observance of Maha Shivaratri, involving Shiva, the god of destruction (Shiva destroys evil). In one story, Shiva swallows poison to save the world. Faithful Hindus fast today, express their regrets, and believe they can thus shed the bad karma that may have plagued them for multiple lifetimes.

Our Jewish brothers and sisters mark Yom Kippur as the day of atonement, preceded by 10 days of fasting and repentance. It is a time to make amends with those they have wronged, and to make things right, with each other and with God, and to start fresh in the new year.

In Islam, the repentance lasts the entire month of Ramadan. Muslims turn to Allah seeking  forgiveness for their mistakes and misdeeds, and on the final day of Eid al-Fitr, they break their fast and celebrate their clean slate with the Almighty.

Lent begins for me, and most Christians, this coming Wednesday. I will go to church, have ashes rubbed on my forehead, and contemplate my finite life, a life in which I have many, many chances to turn around, express sincere sorrow, and be absolved by the God who loves me and wants nothing more than to welcome me back after I have strayed. And by doing so, I will join the worldwide community of faith, a community that for all our differences, honors the divine, and recognizes our shortcomings, and vows to do better in the future.

Nowadays, “I’m sorry” rarely leaves the lips of a large percentage of the general population. Apologizing is a sign of weakness. Admitting you were wrong leaves you vulnerable, in some cases (such as doctors) to lawsuits, in politicians’ circles, to defeat at the polls. I even noticed, among young people, that the heartfelt “I’m sorry” became a flippant “oops, my bad.” Which hardly sounds like an apology at all, does it?

This Lent, my prayer is that we all get back to owning up when we fall short, to self-awareness, to apologies offered and accepted. “I’m sorry” is NOT weakness. It shows strength of character. Giving and receiving forgiveness is a wonderful feeling, a key to a good life, and a good world.